THE FINAL - WELL DONE SMITHY!!

1) Smithy - 359 - (played 14)
2) Woodsy - 355 - (played 16)
3) Big Boy - 353 - (played 19)
4) Lindsay - 351 - (played 16)
5) Jim - 350 - (played 13)
6) Verve - 348 - (played 17)
7) Boz - 344 - (played 16)
8) Moby - 342 - (played 19)
9) Jenks - 324 - (played 10)
10) Big Ron - 319 - (played 12)
11) Stu - 305 - (played 10)
12) Chalky - 289 - (played 9)
13) Rosy - 285 - (played 12)
14) Captain - 281 - (played 10)
15) Nigel - 278 - (played 9)
16) Socks - 15 - (played 5)
17) Gary - 91 - (played 3)
18) Perry - 32 - (played 1)

Best points score (41) - Smithy, Verve, Chalky

Lowest gross round (+3) - Big Boy, Smithy

Wooden Spoon (after 10 rounds) - Captain

Most rounds below handicap (x4) - Moby

By Woodsy (the nearly man)

So it was time for the finale of the 23 week battle, Woodsy sitting on top in hot pursuit by Slippery Jim, Big Boy and Smithy.

Woodsy saw fit earlier in the day of the impending battle to enquire as to the status of a certain Slippery Jim to ascertain if in fact the correct score and playing handicap were in line with the rules and of course the management.

Suspicions were confirmed and a 2 shot cut was implemented without delay. This of course created a taller order for the Slippery customer and complaints were noted throughout the day and continued to the 3.15pm tee off.

Tee off was at 3.15 as planned, but of course some warriors were delayed by other distractions. The balls were thrown initially by Woodsy who clearly didn’t have the necessary skills for such a task and an immediate re-throw was requested. All four at the top were separated but then due to more stragglers turning up another re-throw was requested and slippery found himself teemed up in the first ‘3 ball’ along with the leader and closest challenger which only compound his depression.

An extremely laboured, moany and uneventful ‘walk’ ensued from Slippery tagging along to a head to head battle between Woodsy and Smithy, but in true grinding spirit Smithy emerged the victor with a superb 37 point round.

So Woodsy really now can confirm he is superior to the slippery Jim who fell from 3rd to 5th in the final standings as another superb 37 point round from (as big boy calls him) rags and sarnies that’s Lindsay to everybody else pipped him into in 4th place.

Well done Smithy not just for the golf but for organizing an extremely enjoyable summer event. For those that attended, the evening too turned out to be eventful as you would expect. I wonder if the Indian waiter who attempted his party act of balancing the full pint on his head was expecting the precision and accuracy of rosey with the missile he launched into his stomach, is that why we all had dodgey bellies the next day.

Bring on 2010!

Week 23 Prologue


In response to a few queries as to who’s where in the Curry Cup standings, here are the results up to and including week 21’s results
It’s now realistically a four horse race between the following suspects:
· Gunny “I can play off 12 all day long” Woods – which begs a question as to his handicap !?!
· Slippery “I just can’t be beaten by Woodsy, whatever it takes” Jim
· Big Boy “I’m not fussed if I win it AGAIN” Barny
· Smithers, The Grinder
Irrespective of the final week’s results, The Curry Cup has lived up to the pre-season billing and provided all with a degree of competition, banter, curry and most notably a good few beers
Beware The Akash, The Curry Cuppers are a coming !
See you on the tee at 3.15 pm on Friday to throw the balls up – no teeing off at another time when the weather’s better, with your usual group, in your little comfort zone ! - you’ll be DQ’d!

Smithers n Verve





Woodsy score - 355... To drop - 31... Playing off - 2 below h/c


Smithy 354 32 1 below club handicap
Big Boy 353 33 club handicap
Jim 352 32 2 below club handicap
Boz 344 31 club handicap
Lindsay 344 30 club handicap
Moby 340 31 club handicap
Verve 338 31 club handicap
Jenks 324 25 club handicap
Big Ron 319 27 1 below club handicap
Stu 305 26 club handicap
Chalky 289 None club handicap
Rosy 285 24 club handicap
Nigel 278 None club handicap
Captain 254 None club handicap
Socks 118 None club handicap
Gary 91 None club handicap
Perry 32 None club handicap

Wk 22

By Smithy

It's all getting a bit tense.

Despite claims to the contrary last week, Gunny Woods decides to participate in the competition, no doubt spurred on by Jimmy’s spiteful comments previously.

Gunny therefore opts to run Jim and Linz round the course early in the morning at break neck speed in an attempt to firstly catch a flight and secondly to break Jimmy’s spirit.

It proves to be an inspired decision, not least of all because the best of the weather is seen in the morning.

With “great vengeance and furious anger” Woodsy cards a 36 pointer, compared to Jimmy’s 33, and leaps to the top of the curry cup standings by a single point.

Jimmy subsequently requests a stewards enquiry into Gunny’s bad sportsmanship for such tactics, albeit that this is swiftly rebuffed by 'The Management'.

Later that day, seven more intrepid Curry Cuppers venture onto the course in gusty conditions to see if they can cut Woodsy’s lead to make the final week that little bit more interesting.

The Captain makes a welcome return to the stage with an excellent 36 pointer and all stay for a session in the spike bar, which The Captain and Big Ron follow up by smashing down a Kebab on the way home.

Chief mover and shaker on the day is Smithers, who edges into contention for the final week, albeit suffering a one shot cut to do so.

The top four boys with a week to go are only separated by three points, so it’s all to play for in week 23.

Woodsy remains the hot favourite, however, as he leads into the last week and also has the lowest score to drop. And clearly he is a man possessed in his attempt to beat Jimmy.

Week 23 sees a  3.15 meet to throw the balls up, followed by beer and a curry at The Akash at 9 pm

Who will take the coveted trophy...?

Wk 21

By Smithy

Week 21 sees another good turnout despite windy conditions again, albeit that Verve is forced into abandoning his round early to ensure he’s on time to go out with the missus.

There is much debate on the patio afterwards as to what occasion warrants Verve to break his Friday night rule of only beering with the boys.

Meanwhile Woodsy is seen “sprinting” towards the car park having had a call from Mercedes to advise him that they are outside his house to drop off his latest “repmobile” – apparently he is only too pleased to be rid of the low quality £40K courtesy car they have “saddled” him with. 

Questions are raised as to the penalty for having his mobile switched on during play, although subsequent events result in Woodsy missing out a few holes and carding a 29 pointer.

Top scorers on the day are Smithers (who’s gym work during the week proves fruitful to enable him to battle the elements more effectively this time out) and Linz, who merely passes comment on the “light breeze” being no more than a minor irritation to his huge frame. Both card a respectable 36 points.

Chief mover and shaker on the day is Slippery Jim with 35 points off 12, who jumps a massive 8 points up the leaderboard to now take up position right up behind Big Boy Barny (answers on a postcard please) in a givers second place.

Top boys overall are Big Boy Barny on 352, Slippery Jim on 350 and Woodsy on 349

With all to play for in the remaining two weeks of competition,  Woodsy confirms his absence for next week’s round, handing a further advantage to Slippery Jim in his quest to vanquish his arch enemy in the Curry Cup tables – Jimmy is heard to mutter under his breath that it wouldn’t matter if Woodsy were playing for another six weeks, as he clearly just doesn’t have the talent to beat him!

Linz remains as the chancer’s outside bet, although in true grinders style, Smithers cannot be totally discounted, as he waits in the wings should any of the top boys falter in the run in.

Wk 20

By Smithy

As the competition moves into its final phase, a good turnout is seen as 12 intrepid Curry Cuppers venture out to play in high winds.

Smithers battles bravely against the elements, but struggles with his tiny frame against the onslaught from mother nature

Woodsy stands strong to card an exceptional 38 points to propel himself into second place in the Curry Cup, three points behind Big Boy Barny

A notable effort is made by Slippery Jim, who cards a 37 pointer to move himself right into contention, his second cut in a couple of weeks. With a 27 pointer to drop and three weeks to go, Slippery is still on target for his main aim to beat Woodsy and revel in the bragging rights associated therewith. He confesses that to win the Curry Cup would just be a bonus, but to beat Woodsy is essential to re-iterate his belief that he is a far superior golfer !

Both now take a two shot cut into the final three weeks of the competition, playing off 14 and 12

Lindsay still remains an outside bet if he can post some good scores in the last week as he has two 29 point scores that he can drop

Boz crumbles to post a lowly 28 points following a three week break for holiday, but remains in with a slim chance if he can raise his game for the run in

The curry night at the Akash on 18 September is now booked, with it looking like 12 in attendance

For those attending the curry the cost is £20. For those who are not, the cost is £5 for prizes.

Wk 19

By Smithy

With week 19 completed, there’s everything to play for in the final four weeks of curry cup competition

Big Boy Barney remains out front, with a 9 point lead, although careful consideration of the scores indicates that there a few who, if they post a good score in the remaining 4 weeks, could rise to the top

Notables are Woodsy and Lindsay, who have 28/30 and 29/29 pointers to drop and have been on form in recent weeks

There has been some discussion regarding the possibility of sandbagging by Lindsay, who has had three 36 pointers on the spin in the last 3 weeks

Wild card is clearly Chalky “Party Boy” White who has a 23 and a 27 pointer to drop, albeit there is some doubt as to whether he will post enough scores to enable him to do this. When added to his incredibly high handicap, he could be a danger to Big Boy retaining the coveted trophy if he makes a final push in the remaining weeks

As a reminder, presentation night is on the 18^th September (the final day of play) and is booked for 9 pm at The Akash Indian in Benfleet – we need to confirm numbers, so can you all let Smithers know whether you can make it ASAP

Cost will be £20 - £15 for the curry (food only) and £5 towards a few prizes – please let Smithers have payment straight away

For those of you not attending the curry, the cost will be £5

Smithy  - best 10 scores: 343

Verve  - best 10 scores: 337

Boz  - best 10 scores: 342

Nigel - best 10 scores: 247

Socks - best 10 scores: 118

Woodsy - best 10 scores: 339

Lindsay - best 10 scores: 333

Perry - best 10 scores: 32

Gary Bromage - best 10 scores: 91

Moby - best 10 scores: 340

Stu - best 10 scores: 305

Big Boy - best 10 scores: 352

Chalky White - best 10 scores: 257

Jenks - best 10 scores: 261

Rosy - best 10 scores: 255

Captain - best 10 scores: 196

Big Ron - best 10 scores: 246

Jim Johnson - best 10 scores: 305

Wk 14

Thunder and lightening failed to deter Big Ron, who showed some classic form to win the day with 37 points.

Big Boy maintains the lead with another outstanding 34 points off of 3.

Woodsy posted a respectable 35, while Boz hits a 34; the rest is in the scores:

Big Ron - 37

Woodsy - 35
Big Boy - 34

Boz - 34

Verve - 33

Moby - 32

Stu - 30

Wk 13

Nigel secures his first win of the season and Stu scores 37 points for the 2nd week in a row. Best score of the day sees Big Boy make 36 off of a 3 handicap. The bookies have stopped taking bets... on whether he'll have the speech ready in time.

Nigel - 39
Stu - 37
Big Boy - 36
Rosy - 35
Jim - 35
Linz - 34
Woodsy - 32
Big Ron - 32
Socks - 30
Boz - 26
Chalky White - 23

TOTAL


Big Boy - 342 (10)
Woodsy - 320 (10)
Boz - 312 (10)
Mobey 310 (10)
Verve - 298 (9)
Linz - 280 (9)
Jenks - 230 (7)
Rosy - 227 (8)
Chalky - 223 (7)
Stu - 221 (7)
Smithy - 206 (6)
Jim - 205 (6)
Nigel - 156 (5)
Captain - 145 (5)
big Ron - 120 (4)
Bromage - 91 (3)
Socks - 87 (3)
Perry - 32 (1)

AVG

1) Smithy - 34.33
2) Big Boy - 34.20
3) Jim - 34.17

Wk 12

Big Boy sizzled with a fab 40 pointer. Boz braves the heatwave to cash in on the runner's up medal - and 27 points.

Most of the rest stayed in the shade to watch Murray get battered by the American.

Wk 11

Very hot - and Boz surrenders to Stu's perfect putting.


Linz 37
Stu - 37
Woodsy - 36
Moby - 34
Jenks - 33
Boz - 33
Chalky White - 28
Verve - 28
Big Ron - 27

Wk 10

By Smithers

JUNE 19 signified a key date in the Curry Cup diary as we moved into week 10 of the tournament, with all still to play for.

Uber Caddie, Dave 'Moby' Coates, sneaked into the overall lead, benefiting from Verve’s self imposed sabbatical as he fights his golfing demons, plus the fact that he has played one more round than anyone else.

Hovering ominously in third is the defending Champion Big Boy Barny, with tournament favourite Verve a mere six points behind, having played one less round.

Slippery Jim puts in the week’s best score with 34 points off 11, followed by Mr Lodge, who opens his Curry Cup account with a steady 32 points. Whether the latter has the ability to put in 9 more rounds to post a complete score remains to be seen.

Meanwhile a large number of the remaining players card a steady 31 points, including the unflappable Mr White (now off 14), who aptly demonstrates his ability to play off a lower handicap ?!

Other notable events are Big Ron’s NR (?!), Gunny’s defeat at the hands of Slippery (who is now 13 games up this year in their 'little' private wager, which Slippery specifically requested be mentioned in this update), plus Smithers managing to get through a second week playing off a 3 handicap.

Early indications are that the season’s presentation night will be at the Akash Indian Restaurant, rather than at the Club, plus there will be a special Curry Cup Christmas Caper in 2009, whereby entry will be by invite only and subject to the strict condition that all participants will be required to dress as Santa - permission is currently being sought from the club committee to undertake such an event.

The rest is in the scores:

Jim - 34

Perry - 32

Smithy - 31

Nigel - 31

Woodsy - 31

Big Boy - 31

Chaly White - 31

Rosy - 30
linz - 29
Gary Bromage - 27

Captain - 26

Moby - 23

Wk 9

Chalky White - 41
Woodsy - 38
Jim - 38
Linz - 37
Big Boy - 36
Jenks - 33
Smithers - 33
Big Ron - 32
Captain - 30
Moby- 29
Boz - 28

Wk 8

A week that should be remembered most for Smithers shooting an outstanding 41 points... although this Friday will always be remembered as the day Boz celebrated his birthday in style: downing lots of red vino with The Curry Cuppers in a small and sweaty spike-bar.

Moby did quite well too. The rest is in the scores:

Smithy - 41

Moby - 39

Boz - 34

Woodsy - 34

Verve - 34

Big Boy - 34

Rosy - 28

Nigel - 27

Linz - 27

Wk 7

A strange day. We cooked in the day sun, froze on the patio (partly in the shade).

Mobester, having returned from the Caribbean went blue.

Points tally after 7 weeks with 16 left to play is:

Verve 236 (played 7) avg 33.71
Moby 185 (played 6) avg 30.83
Big Boy 165 (played 5) avg 33
Jenks 164 (played 5) avg 33
Boz 164 (played 5) avg 32.80
Rosy 134 (played 5) avg 27
Woodsy 149 (played 5) avg 29.8
Stu 147 (played 5) avg 29.5
Smithy 101 (played 3) avg 33.67
Jim 98 (played 3) avg 32.67
Chalky 100 (played 3) avg 33.5
Captain 89 (played 3) avg 29.5
Linz 116 (played 4) avg 29
Gary 64 (played 2) avg 32
Nigel 59 (played 2) avg 29.5
Socks 57 (played 2) avg 28.5
Big Ron 29 (played 1) avg 29

Wk 6

Some of the golf was worryingly bad in what continues to be one of the best spring seasons of recent years, in terms of sunshine.

Pix by Jenks
Bozzo battles his way to 31

Boz (snapped here by Jenks, in the trees), Socks, Verve, Woodsy and Chalky were among the bottom feeders.

Jim hit a very respectable 35, while Big Boy rates a mention (still off 5) for his battling 33.

Jenks was the top performer with an outstanding 37. His scores for the last three weeks are 36, 35, 37.

Plans for a major curry night session faded when organiser Pete Boston confirmed he forgot to tell Lee. Lee got upset, Boz got very drunk, and good fun was had by all as he was helped down to the Hoy by Big Boy, Stu and Verve.

Verve moves further into the lead due to the fact that he has rather sadly played in every game thus far. Even his nearest rival, the Mobester, chose to stay away for a whole week.

The rest is in the week's scores:

Jenks 37

Jim 35

Big Boy 33

Boz 31

Verve 31

Rosy 30

Linz 30

Woodsy 27

Chalky 27

Socks 25

Wk 5

Anyone seen the Mobester?

By Smithers and Verve

THE COMPETITION is in full swing.

In a blatant and quite unashamed way (not, one might add, out of character), Mr Jenkins manages to blob the 18th hole realising that he is standing on the tee with a respectable 35 points already in the bag and staring down the barrel of a cut for three weeks should he continue the run of steady pars made over the back nine thus far.

His play was so outrageously blatant, commencing with a complete and quite frankly obvious pull into the bush left, followed by a left handed stab out, a pathetically weak chip shot coming up short, leaving a nasty downhiller that only God could have sunk.

The result – a missed putt, a blob on 18, 35 points and no Curry Cup cut.

As an indication as to just how bad this caddish behaviour was, Mr Jenkins was subsequently seen purchasing a round at the bar out of pure embarrassment (no really, there are four witnesses to this quite momentous event!) and for the benefit of Mr Woods, this was out of his own money, not borrowed funds !

The Committee is currently considering whether some form of punishment is warranted for such behaviour, but to date no contact has been possible with Mr Jenkins who is apparently undergoing psychiatric evaluation following persistent dizzy spells resulting from the trauma of having to open his wallet.

We understand that Mr White (only 37 points this week), who suffers from a similar affliction, has been keeping vigil by his bedside as a kindred spirit.

As for the rest, Mobey's remarkable 37 must go down as one of the truly great rounds of the year.

The Mobester was so overcome with emotion - realising his medal round score had reinstated his single figure handicapper status - he was last seen heading for an plane, destination the Caribbean.

That boy sure knows how to celebrate. See you in a week Dave. Luv to Stacy.

Smithy meanwhile overlooked to mention he scored a Joker in the pack, 36. We're watching Smithers. Do the words Michael+Martin+Speaker mean anything to you?

The Verve still leads. The rest is in the results:

Mobey 37
Chalky 37
Smithers 36
Jenks 35
Captain 32
Socks 32
Boz 31
Nigel 31
Verve 30
Big Boy 30
Stu 29

Wk 4

The sun's still shining. Greens are slowing up with more growth and the fairways are getting harder.

This was probably the toughest playing day to date with a three club wind ripping up 2, 4 and 6.

A near full turnout after Barney and Nige returned victorious from their away matches.

Barney enjoyed some post Portugal trauma after catching a bout of the shits (sorry, I meant shanks) from our friends in the Med'. He was seen running from the course on Sunday mid way through a competition. A lengthy beer and bar-b-q session seemed to work wonders. Normal service had resumed come the Curry Cup Wk 4 when he posted a best of the day 38 points and three week cut to 5. Welcome back Barney.

A stewards is ongoing after Slippery Jim blobbed the last on 36 points. Mobey stayed behind to request a full enquiry, which is likely to result in a warning. Slippery could get one too.

Mr White took time out of his Curry conquest to demolish Tom Ward in the Turner Cup. Ward was heard muttering something about 'dingoes' as the pair were called through on 14. Mr White hopes to return next week if he is not away on his monthly summer hols.

A final mention for Jenks, who after some excellent work in the nets this year recorded a respectable 36 points (bring on the Kindred).

The rest of the story is the scores:

Barney 38
Slippery 36
Jenks 36
Verve 34
Brommage 34
Stu 30
Boz 29
Woodsy 28
Mobey 27
Rosy 24

The full points tally after 4 weeks with 12 left to play is:


Verve 139 (played 4)
Moby 122 (played 4)
Stu 118 (played 4)
Woodsy 92 (played 3)
Rosy 77 (played 3)
Big Boy 72 (played 2)
Boz 67 (played 2)
Smithy 65 (played 2)
Gary Brommage 64 (played 2)
Jenks 61 (played 2)
Lindsay 58 (played 2)
Captain 57 (played 2)
Jim Johnson 36 (played 1)
Chalky White 36 (played 1)
Big Ron 29 (played 1)
Nigel 28 (played 1)
Socks 0
Perry 0

Wk 3

Week three was remarkable for two reasons. The sun is still shining and Mr White only scored 36 points on his first entry into the 2009 season.

Other than that Friday May 1 was uneventful. Only four players took part because Barney is still ripping up the courses in Portugal, while Smithers and Nige attempt to steal the prize fund in Wales on a boys long weekend.

The Curry scores were as follows:

Chalky White 36
Verve 35

Mobey 31
Stu 29

Wk 2 - and no, really... summer has landed.

By Smithers and Verve

The weather was fine and then there was the golf.

Second week in, the sun's out and the greens have turned into saucepans.

Gunny Woods experiences the immense pressure of leading the Curry Cup and buckles to post a lowly 24 points for round two, admirably demonstrating just how difficult it is to be out front in such a prestigious event.

Woodsie is interviewed by Norris McWhirter as he attempts to set the new 'time spent looking for a golf ball' record on the first hole (he really wants it Barney - he really, really wants it) swiftly followed by having another attempt at said record on the second.

Meanwhile out in front are Stu, Mobester and Verve. Verve has a camera/phone. His partners head off fast to avoid being snapped, so Verve inexplicably takes a picture of a dead fox cub. No one can blame Barney because he's out of the country.

Nigel, Brommage, the Captain and Lee head the field.